♪ ♪ ♪ >> After a career-ending injury ruined his hopes for playing in the NFL, our next guest spent two years broke and living on his sister's couch.

What happened next is unbelievable.

Within a few years, he was making millions of dollars and helping others achieve their dreams through his book and podcast "The School of Greatness."

Please welcome Lewis Howes.

>> In order to be great, not too long ago, you pretty much had to follow the scripts that had been ascribed to you by your culture as a man, as a woman, as a father, as a mother, as a brother, as a sister, as an employee, and as a boss.

It was written.

It was codified.

I think greatness today, it's much more individually driven.

I get to decide.

I get to choose.

Therefore, I am a lot less sure, but there's a lot more I need to do.

>> So much has happened in the last 10 years.

I've always felt like one of the dumbest people in every room.

I was never smart in school.

I was always in the special-needs classes.

But when I started to build this belief in my mind that I could do things, I started to achieve and make them happen.

And I think a lot of people in the world in general don't have enough belief in themselves.

They don't spend their energy focusing on what they're capable of.

Instead, they focus on what they can't do.

>> We get in this frame of mind of complacency, and I think complacency stems from comfort where we just get in the zone and we like our job, and, you know, it's maybe Monday through Friday, and that's the way it is, and it's a constant paycheck that we know is coming.

But maybe our skill set is so much greater than that.

Maybe our passion is greater than that.

>> So if you would've asked me 10 years ago if I would've been able to pull something off like this, this massive event with over a thousand people and some of the most inspirational speakers in the world coming to my hometown, I probably would have laughed.

Even if you don't feel like you're capable of doing something right now, maybe one day you can.

♪ And so for me, this event's really an experience to give people that opportunity, to show them what's possible inside themselves.

And the big dreams that we have may never happen overnight.

But when we'll take daily action and build that momentum of belief inside ourselves, things start to come our way.

>> Greatness -- Is it a spectrum?

Is it a destination?

It's always hard.

Like, but everybody has room to improve and everybody has something else that is ahead of them.

And I believe that you use all your life experience.

Whatever successes, failures, experiences that you've had, that's what's gonna kind of guide what happens next for you.

>> You live your life in levels or chapters, right?

And so you're in a particular chapter of your life right now.

And you are never going to progress to the next chapter of your life until you learn the lessons in this one.

Go to where you're struggling.

Go to where your complaints are.

Go to where you gripe.

That's where there are things to learn about yourself.

And until you get that lesson, you're not going anywhere.

[ Applause ] >> So this is -- this is hopeful for anybody, and that's why you're so amazing, because you're not just somebody talking about something.

You actually lived it.

So how did you get off of your sister's couch?

>> Well, I think first off, I have to tell how I got on there first.

[ Film projector clicking ] It was such a small town.

I was the youngest of four.

I was, you know, four years younger than my sister and then eight years younger than my next sister and then 11 from my brother.

>> Lewis was very energetic, very joyful, very friendly.

Had fights with his siblings, like every child does.

>> I was the little rug rat of the family, the young brat who was always jumping around, trying to, like, get in people's way, trying to get attention from people.

>> Move away, Lewis.

You're too close.

Now say something nice and intelligent.

>> Ha!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

>> Alright, alright.

Quit being a wise guy.

>> I was very annoying to my siblings, from what I remember.

>> Lewis, don't be a card.

Be normal.

>> Careful, careful.

>> And I remember used to playing baseball and basketball with my dad in the backyard.

>> Delaware, Ohio, was a town of about 25,000 people.

It's a small community.

The kids could walk to school, to the elementary and the middle school.

>> I didn't really have good friends in elementary school.

>> I remember being in the special-needs classes.

Every time the teacher would ask us to read aloud, I remember stuttering, stumbling, and I couldn't read the words that were in front of me in a book.

I remember in third grade the teacher saying, "Okay, we have recess, and we're all gonna go out there and play a dodgeball game.

And I'm gonna pick two captains to split us up in two teams."

And they go through and start picking kids in the class one by one, and I'm not being picked.

And then by default, I was on the last team.

They didn't even pick me.

That was just like, "Okay, you go over there."

And I remember thinking to myself in this moment that I was so mad and so frustrated, so humiliated, I was just destroying kids on the dodgeball court.

I was catching everything.

I was slamming it in kids' faces.

And from that moment forward, I said, "Never again will I get picked last.

I'm gonna do whatever it takes, get so big, so strong, so fast that they have to pick me."

And so I didn't care about school anymore.

I cared about sports.

>> It takes passion, it takes drive, it takes repetition.

Once you find that thing that you really love, you dedicate yourself to it, you know, pour yourself into it.

>> I got bigger, I got faster, I got stronger, I got better as an athlete.

>> He was inspiring to watch.

At that point in his life, everybody wanted him on the team.

♪ >> I remember watching college football with my dad, and I remember the commentators talk about the All-Americans on the Ohio State football team.

And I asked my dad -- I was like, "What does that even mean?"

He said, "These are the best in the world.

These are the best at what they do."

And I said, "I want to be that one day.

I want to be an All-American athlete."

I was so committed to my vision of being an All-American athlete, I was willing to give up everything else.

I was in the gym at 5:00 a.m. doing lifting sessions, practicing after practice... watching game film at night.

We had three-a-days in football.

We wouldn't have water breaks.

In extreme conditions, in extreme adversity, no matter what the timing of it may be.

And I remember saying early on, "I'm not gonna have one sip of alcohol throughout my entire college experience."

>> That was unbelievable.

I mean, I literally think he was the only one on the football team that didn't drink.

>> I was just doing whatever I could to have an edge over my teammates, the competitors, and the country of athletes.

>> I knew how much sacrifice goes into developing an athlete's life.

I really wanted to give myself the best possible chance, because that's the least you can do to be great.

>> Been dreaming about being an All-American my entire life, and now this is my one shot.

It's my senior year.

I'm trying to let go of all the pressures from my family and from my dad mostly.

My dad used to be my biggest supporter.

He would come to every game.

>> This is my boy right here.

>> Ralph would fly out to -- from Columbus, Ohio, to St. Louis, every football game, every basketball game.

>> Lewis has two touchdowns.

>> I remember seeing him there every game.

He'd come on the sidelines, and -- and he was taking photographs all the time.

>> Just taking pictures.

Memories.

>> Thank you.

>> ♪ Memories ♪ >> He was my biggest supporter.

There was no one bigger.

[ Indistinct talking ] >> Yes!

Whoo!

>> That's my boy.

>> And I achieved becoming an All-American athlete playing first in the decathlon and then the next season in football.

So I was a two-sport All-American, but that was with a lot of mixed emotions because my dad wasn't around to witness it.

[ Siren wailing ] ♪ >> We got a phone call that his father was in an accident in New Zealand.

>> Car came on top of his car.

The bumper went through the windshield and hit him in the head.

And he was in a coma for three months during my senior season playing football.

>> There was [clears throat] a big shock when he came back because he didn't recognize any of his children.

>> We had to teach him how to write, how to read, how to talk, how to walk, how to go to the bathroom.

We had to teach him how to become a human being again.

>> All of us went through a period of grieving, 'cause he was there physically but not mentally, emotionally, or all the ways they knew him.

It was as if he died, but physically, he was still there.

>> That was a devastating blow, when his father got into that accident.

It certainly... you know, was something he wasn't very vocal about sharing, even though he and I were really close.

But I think it was... also something that, you know, athletics allowed him a place where he can get his mind off of thinking about that.

>> So that entire season, I felt like I had a reason for why I was playing -- to inspire myself, to inspire my father.

And I think when we play for something or live for something that's bigger than ourselves, it gives us a sense of meaning, as well, a sense of purpose.

>> There are so many obstacles, not just social, political, economic, but there are obstacles that are in our way that stop us and that can easily distract the most committed person on the planet.

Now, if you have a why and if you have a purpose and if you have a reason to push through, then that's enough to overcome anything.

>> And I just said, "You know, I know my dad would want me to go after my dreams.

I need to go play professional football and prove that.

I need to go to the next place."

>> Hand it off.

They'll fake it to Blanchard, and Gunn takes off.

And he stops, pops, and throws.

Touchdown, Vipers!

>> I got a lot of different offers to play on Arena League teams.

I was getting heavily recruited to play there.

>> Lewis Howes has been a part of pretty much every Vipers touchdown celebration.

He's number 4 on his jersey and just can't help getting in the middle of the best of times.

>> We were only making $250 a week, but for me, the dream was to play professional football, to get paid to do what I loved.

So I knew that I was willing to sacrifice the low pay there to get the practice reps, to get the game film, and to try to make it to the NFL, which was the ultimate goal.

>> He's wide open down the middle.

Lewis Howes turns the jets on!

And Lewis Howes takes it... >> You know, sometimes you have what I call life interruptions.

It can be an illness.

It can be some form of an accident.

>> I dove to catch the ball and snapped my wrist in the wall, and right away I knew it was broken.

And I remember saying, "Well, this is my rookie season, and this is my biggest dream.

I don't want to miss this opportunity."

So I just decided to kind of grunt it out and tape it up and just deal with the pain.

>> A big hand here from the crowd.

>> And then at the end of the season, when I did an X-ray, the doctor was like, "You should have gotten surgery many months ago."

The bone had crumbled so much, they had to take bone out of my hip.

They cut open my hip, took a bone out of there, fused it to my wrist.

Just scared if I fall asleep, I'm gonna die.

>> No, you're not.

>> And then I was in a cast from here to here for six months, and then it took another year until I was able to have full range of motion.

And missing a whole season the next season, trying to come back now at 24 was just gonna be even that much harder to try to get to my ultimate goal of playing in the NFL.

That was the end of it.

So for a guy who was used to training four to six hours a day, now I was on the couch unable to, it was just devastating for my mind, my body.

>> I mean, his entire identity was -- revolved around being an athlete, and when that is removed, I'm sure he just felt lost.

You know, "What am I gonna do?

Who am I gonna be now?"

>> And what I find in life -- that so many people, when they are sideswiped by life interruptions, they don't know what to do.

It really can -- It takes most people off course... and many times takes them years to get back.

>> I had no clue what I was gonna do now.

After football was done, my sister brought me in and said that I could crash with her for a couple of months.

And I remember just feeling like, "How am I gonna do this?"

I wasn't getting job opportunities.

I didn't have a college degree.

There were friends of mine who were going back to get master's because they weren't getting jobs with their bachelor's.

People were getting fired from jobs who did have master's, so I was thinking, "There's no way I'm gonna be able to make it in the workforce."

>> Faith.

Don't ever lose faith.

No matter how dark it gets, no matter how stormy it gets, no matter how bad it feels, no matter how impossible it feels, there's always another possibility.

>> But I remember sitting one day with Stevie Wonder.

It was 1:00 in the morning.

He was playing piano at his house.

And he said, "Tim, be careful not to be limited by what you see."

He said, "See, I have no limitations on what I see because I can't see."

I mean, that is so powerful.

>> Fear is the expectation that everything's gonna turn out in a negative way.

Faith is the expectation that even though I don't see it, I have the faith that I'm gonna get out of this couch.

>> It's really challenging, when you're in the darkest moments, to see any type of light or any type of positivity from that experience.

>> I was in a very dark place.

I was dealing with suicidal thoughts for over a year.

And then a fortuitous kind of thing came up where I was looking through the school newspaper and they were asking for students to come down and work in the Caribbean.

And I went down there, and that's where I had my car accident.

And that car accident changed everything.

>> I was really struggling.

We were facing financial difficulty, and my husband and I, we'd been married for, boy, probably been 14 years at that point.

We were fighting like crazy.

I was out of work.

And I was really stuck.

When I woke up, the second that the alarm went off, I started to think about all of my problems.

I would reach over and hit the snooze button, because it was the easiest decision to make when you're afraid -- to avoid everything.

>> I mean, his family and friends were definitely concerned, and I think over time, they were hoping he'd find his own way out of it.

>> And I knew that I needed to change, but this is the thing about greatness -- Knowing what you want isn't enough.

Change is about action.

>> We were going 85 miles an hour down this new road they just paved in the Dominican Republic.

Round the corner, the car started sliding off the road.

It hit this little retainer wall.

I smacked my head.

And I just remember looking down and seeing all this blood on my body.

I just thought, "Did I even matter?"

>> And after a year and a half of moping around on my sister's couch, she said, "It's time that you start paying rent."

And that's when I really started to kick into gear.

I was forced to figure out a different way.

>> So the next morning, the alarm goes off, and nothing had changed in my life.

But I did something I had never done before.

I went, "Five, four, three, two, one."

And then I stood up.

The secret to greatness, the secret to change, the secret to closing the gap between where you are and where you want to be, it comes down to five-second decisions.

>> Here I am this depressed young man, and then I survive this car accident.

And it says to me, "Kid, you're still alive.

How lucky are you?"

And I got what I -- I call it life's golden ticket, which is that second chance.

And, you know, when we get that second chance, we got to earn that thing.

>> The five-second rule -- five, four, three, two, one -- is a starting ritual that begins new change and interrupts your bad habits.

It's a way to put you into action instead of thinking.

♪ >> On my sister's couch, in the summer of 2008, every four years, my favorite sporting event comes on -- the Olympics.

And one night, at like 3:00 a.m., I remember seeing these highlights of this sport called team handball.

[ Crowd cheering ] And I was like, "This is the sport that I should have played."

And I found out that New York City had some of the top teams.

I said, "How can I get to New York City?

How can I move there, afford rent, make money there so I can go practice this sport to see if I even have a chance at being an Olympian?"

Again, my thought process at the time was, "I never want to regret not trying something, not going after it and seeing what could have happened."

I could get in an accident, something could happen to me, I could get sick, like what happened to my dad.

So at that moment, I made it my goal to get there.

>> If someone went to Yankee Stadium and Cy Young Award winner CC Sabathia came out and he was throwing the best pitches of his entire career and you got to swing as many times as you want and if you hit a home run, you got a million dollars, people would line up.

>> Mm-hmm.

>> But most people in this world would take one swing, hear the crowd booing, and walk away -- "Man, I'm never gonna pull this off."

One guy, who everyone thinks is an...is gonna sit up there and swing that bat a million... times.

He'll finally hit that home run, and we will celebrate him like a champion and remember him as the one who hit the home run, not the person who was the...swung a million times.

So the only true failure is giving up.

>> I don't think anyone has an accident or any event in their life where all of a sudden that delivers them as a perfect person five years later.

What it does is it begins a new journey.

It begins a second chance.

It begins a moment for people to say, "You know what?

I want to be different.

How do I do that?"

>> You have to define greatness for yourself.

Trust in your own journey.

Assess, "Where do I really want to be?

Where do I see myself going?"

And take the next step that's appropriate for you.

>> Greatness is that moment, that moment that lasts five seconds, where your inner wisdom tells you what to do, and you got a choice to make.

Are you gonna actually step forward into greatness and speak your truth?

Are you gonna push your...out of bed?

Are you going to expand, or are you going to shrink as self-doubt and as fear and as anxiety comes rolling in like a freight train?

>> I definitely could have benefited from this when I was down and out in Columbus.

You know, one of the reasons why I'm doing this is 'cause I want to create the experiences that I wish I could attend.

>> It's his hometown, which is where Lewis and I actually met, and he wanted to create this feeling of safety and home and open yourself up to new possibilities to create greatness in your life.

>> Um [clears throat] today is the opening day, so everyone's coming in.

A lot of people flying in.

So I'm excited.

People, it's real.

It's happening, so get ready.

[ Cheers and applause ] [ Indistinct chanting ] It's so important for me to take it to another level because if it's the same thing every year, people are going to get bored, they're gonna get antsy.

And so for me, my goal has been to -- How can we give people an experience where they can come together once a year, meet inspiring conscious achievers like them, and then have tools the rest of the year to support their life?

Ready.

>> One, two, three.

Make magic happen!

>> Yes!

>> When we hit rock bottom, we have a hard time asking for support.

We hide.

We go into our caves.

We disconnect.

We don't return phone calls.

And I believe that the second thing you need to do is ask for support.

It doesn't make you weak.

It doesn't make you less.

It makes you smart.

It makes you wise.

We're in this together.

>> On my sister's couch, I started reaching out to different mentors from my university, different teachers, administrators, and asking them for advice.

>> Most people, when they get the shout knocked out of them, they isolate themself.

So much of getting your shout back is who's in your inner circle.

Because you're gonna need to plug into somebody else's oxygen.

>> When we are doubting ourselves, we need somebody else who doesn't see us the way we see ourselves and says, "You can do it."

See, it's better that somebody else tells you you can do it than that you go around standing in front of the mirror and say, "I can do it, I can do it."

>> I started learning about how they got to where they are, and one of my mentors said I should check out LinkedIn.

I never heard of it, but he said, you know, it's kind of like Facebook for adults and he heard that people were getting jobs on there.

So I started going in full speed ahead on LinkedIn.

I signed up for an account.

I added all my information.

And I just started researching.

I started looking for different individuals to connect with.

I started looking for opportunities, reaching out to people that I thought could be helpful mentors to me or other business leaders in my industry, in the sports industry at the time.

I started to see results really quickly where people were connecting with me.

They wanted to meet up with me.

>> You set your goal, and then after you set your goal, you have to spend some time researching and seeking out advice and then, you know, working every day.

>> I think everything for me about greatness is about effort, doing slightly more than what you're comfortable with.

And that same for during the day.

Every day, just go a little step further than what's convenient for you, a little step further than what's comfortable.

>> Then I started building these LinkedIn networking events.

I started bringing people together.

The first few events were free.

People just showed up.

And I was selling sponsorship tables at these events, so I made a little bit of cash.

We're in Cleveland.

Link Cleveland is off the chain.

Then I said to myself, "How can I make more money from these events?"

I started charging at the door.

So I charged $5.

And more people kept showing up.

Then I said, "How can I make more?"

Then one person paid me for helping them set up their LinkedIn profile.

And I thought to myself, "Huh, I haven't been making any money, so maybe I'll just do more of this and keep helping people with LinkedIn."

And so I just started helping people one by one, one by one.

I was just figuring out everything I could to make money to get off my sister's couch so I could start living a life on my own.

>> Our job, if we want to be great, is to keep returning back to our intention.

I'll give you another example, is that, like, on Sunday nights, I sit down and I have about 10 areas that are really important to me in my life.

And I score myself on a scale of 1 to 10 in those areas.

1 means I sucked that previous week, I didn't do very good, I wasn't intentional in that area.

10 means I was awesome.

And so first I have to say, "Am I okay with these scores?"

And if I'm not okay with the scores, then I ask this question -- "Okay, what's one new activity, one new routine, a set of steps that I can do this next week to increase that score?"

And that becomes my goal sheet for the week.

>> Instead of going out and smoking cigarettes and smoking dope and drinking beers with my buddy, I decided to go to bed and wake up early and, you know, put the work in in the weight room.

Those tiny, very small decisions, over time, the compounded interest of sacrificing this to get just that much closer to your goal.

>> Then one mentor said, "You should write a book so you don't have to teach one-on-one anymore.

Put all the information in one place and sell it to the masses."

So I wrote a book and started selling those at the events.

And I started to build a massive audience on LinkedIn.

>> Lewis Howes, author of the book "LinkedWorking."

Lewis, how you doing today?

>> LinkedIn guru over here.

>> Joining us, author and entrepreneur Lewis Howes is back.

>> What it takes to be great and master something is going 100% all-in on whatever it is you're doing.

You're not playing a half-assed game at whatever you're into, because half-assed games create half-assed results and rarely win.

When he got into LinkedIn, he was approaching LinkedIn with the intensity of a professional athlete going to practice and to work out.

He wasn't dabbling.

Like, he was on it every day like it was his workout, and that's how he was making a living.

>> And things were taking off.

We were making millions in sales with my business partner.

And two years later, I made enough money, I saved enough money in my business and moved to New York.

I was thrilled.

I was ecstatic.

I was so pumped.

I made the USA national team.

It felt like everything we were doing was working.

And then I met a girl that I fell for, and she was in L.A.

I was in New York.

We were doing the long-distance thing.

And I decided that I was gonna go move to L.A. to give it a shot with her.

And right when I moved to L.A., she broke up with me that day.

But I said, "You know what?

I'm gonna stay in L.A. and try it out for a year and see what good comes from this."

When you're traveling, when you go to other cities, like I'm in today in a new city in L.A., make sure you connect with people face-to-face.

And I realized I didn't want to teach LinkedIn all the time anymore.

It wasn't what I was excited about anymore.

>> Your calling and your purpose can change.

You have a long lifetime.

It's not gonna be the same calling the whole time.

And so allow yourself to evolve.

Allow your purpose to evolve.

What's that thing you do effortlessly that you give no credit to?

>> It's funny, when I started on LinkedIn, early on, all I was doing was reaching out to successful business leaders and asking them how they got to where they are.

We're here with Matt D'Orazio.

...founder of ESPN.

Craig Ballantyne, who is a contributing writer to Men's Health magazine.

I was fascinated with the things they thought, the things they did.

I just wanted to learn how they built their business and how they got to where they were.

How did you first get these sponsorships?

>> Well, it's all about internships.

>> Every time I connected with these leaders in the world and met with them one-on-one and heard their stories, I was blown away by what they were sharing with me.

These are the lessons I wish I had in school.

This is the stuff I wish they taught me.

I was terrible at reading these books, these textbooks that were just so bulky and big and big words.

I just didn't understand it.

But hearing these stories, I could relate to it.

I could get inspired by it.

And I said, "Wouldn't it be amazing if more people could hear this?"

And that's when the idea of "The School of Greatness" podcast came.

Hello, everyone, and welcome to "The School of Greatness."

I just started with my iPhone recording conversation with friends.

The audio was horrible.

Thanks so much for coming on the show, Robert.

>> Hello.

Thank you very much for having me, Lewis.

>> But it didn't stop me from executing it, from getting it going, and that's what stops a lot of people -- the fear of needing it to look perfect or to be perfect.

>> For a long time, I was -- I would do certain projects but I would never finish them.

I think that's the case for a lot of people.

Like, you have this drive to start something and then you don't know how to end it, you don't know how to execute.

And you're afraid of the product.

You're afraid how you're gonna be perceived, and it's about overcoming that fear.

>> We do way too much time planning and thinking.

And then you get trapped upstairs.

>> We think of avoiding mistakes before we think of what we can do to be great, and I think that's part of, like, the negativity that we face in our lives.

>> I think he took a leap of faith with starting the podcast.

I think he was -- he was certainly excited about it.

But, yeah, he was nervous about it, you know, being successful.

>> No one has any idea what is around the corner.

You might be 40, and, like, at 41, you might be the first person at 41 to achieve that thing that's impossible.

Someone's gonna be that person.

Why not you?

>> The greatest artists, the greatest inventors in history didn't live because they thought they were hot...

They actually were ridden with doubt.

And they didn't know if they were gonna succeed, but they went ahead anyway because they had no other choice.

They were dedicated.

They couldn't but be a writer, but be an actor, but be a scientist and a researcher.

It was in their DNA.

They just went at it, and they practiced a few more hours, without knowing if it was gonna be good.

And that humility, I think, today is still as important as it ever was.

>> The most common factor that I've noticed with many of the leaders and speakers that I've had the pleasure of meeting or reading their books is they're not afraid of being vulnerable, they're not afraid of taking risks.

>> And it's risky to commit yourself emotionally and mentally and spiritually to going out and doing a good job in something, 'cause what if you do bad?

You might feel disappointed.

But that's a risk high performers are willing to take.

>> And as I realized, "Wow, a lot of people are listening to this," and the feedback they're giving me and the results they're getting in their life and their business and their relationship is profound, I said, "Okay, let me invest in better production quality.

Let me invest in a team.

Let me invest in design and sound quality."

Welcome, everyone, to "School of Greatness."

Thank you guys so much for tuning in today.

We've got Matthew Hussey.

Fabio Viviani.

Arianna Huffington, and she's got a new book.

>> I think it's important to hear these stories because as human beings, we just live in our own heads, and the only way to expand beyond those thoughts in your head is to be in conversations with others, listen to others.

>> I think there are so many lessons we can learn from those that have been there before us, those that have achieved things that we want to achieve, those who've gone through the struggles.

Just puts us back on the right track to where we want to go as opposed to being unclear and uncertain of how to get there.

Good to see you, man.

>> Thanks for having me.

This is a step up from when I first did your webinar like four years ago.

>> Uh-huh.

Where were we?

>> What you've built is ama-- I mean, I think we just did it over Skype.

>> Gotcha, gotcha, yeah.

>> But what you've built has just been amazing.

>> It's been fun, man.

It's been a journey.

>> It's been a hell of a ride.

>> I tell you what, doing quality work consistently for four years every week, you know, does something.

>> There are so many moving pieces and parts to making this podcast successful -- booking the guests, focusing on timing.

I mean, sometimes we do three podcast interviews in a day.

And each of the members on our team, from our videographers, audio editors, our video editors, our producer, takes a lot of effort.

>> As my podcast started to take off, the community is what really drove the information that I was gonna do next.

They would make requests.

They would say, "Lewis, I loved this interview with Tony.

Can you do one with so-and-so?

Can you do one with this person?

I want to hear a story from this person."

So I started creating content based on what my audience collectively wanted.

>> When you see the trajectory of the podcast from when he started, I mean, it's -- I mean, you see it year after year doubling the engagement.

>> Then they said, "We want more tools.

You're creating great information on this interviews, but can you boil it all down?

Like, what are the top principles of all these great people you've interviewed?"

So the idea of a book came together because my audience requested it.

>> Lewis Howes... >> Lewis Howes... >> Lewis Howes... >> Lewis Howes... >> Lewis Howes... >> Lewis Howes... >> Lewis Howes is with us.

>> Book is called "The School of Greatness."

It is out now.

>> When the first book came out, "The School of Greatness," it was crazy.

>> "School of Greatness," baby.

>> Check it out.

>> This book is great.

It will help you change your life.

I suggest you get it today.

>> He would fly from city to city to city, from Los Angeles to New York to Chicago, and each city, we had a book signing, a book-launch party, for hours and hours, hours just connecting with people.

>> And it hit number 2 on the New York Times best-seller list.

>> I mean, it was powerful, so powerful to see what the podcast had created.

And he had so much success, but I had a feeling something was off.

It just had been a series of red flags.

>> I was going through a bad breakup with a relationship I was in.

>> And Lewis was being very aggressive.

>> I started having a really bad relationship with my business partner at the time to where we almost had a fistfight in the middle of Times Square.

>> I even remember a time when Lewis and I were playing pickup basketball at this court.

I felt this hostility.

There was a lot of pushing and shoving, and, like, he just -- he couldn't let things go.

It kept building.

Every game, he got a little more hostile.

And this one Saturday, this guy kind of got into a scuffle with him, and the guy ended up head-butting him.

That was it.

And they literally got into this scrum on the court.

Got this huge gash over his eye and he's bleeding all over the court.

>> All these things were happening, and my friends kept saying, like, "Why are you so angry?

Why are you so mad?

It looks like you have everything going for you."

>> We both had a lot at stake.

We both had successful jobs.

I don't want to go home with a black eye or having gotten punched in the face because of a fight that you started.

And we're playing street ball, you know, on a weekend where it's supposed to be fun.

That's when I told him.

I said, "Something's up.

Like, why are you so angry?"

>> I'm making money.

My business is taking off.

But inside, why am I reactive so much in a basketball game that means nothing?

>> Anger comes from somewhere.

>> That's when I was able to finally say, "Okay, I'm willing to take a look at what's not working."

>> We tend to carry all of our burdens with us.

And as you walk through life, more and more and more weights are on top of that, and it stops you from moving forward.

>> I went to a workshop.

And Chris Lee was the workshop facilitator.

He was addressing everything from our past that wasn't working.

And the goal was to let go of that stuff so we could move towards a more purposeful, powerful vision for our future.

>> Lewis was in a big struggle.

He was letting things from the past define him.

He was letting his sports training be his north, like what would be the definition of being success being number one, being a winner, being a champion.

>> I became a dominant athlete.

But it was fueled by an anger to prove people wrong about me.

>> And all of that drive, though he's always had drive, it was coming from a place that was fear-driven.

>> Being picked on, picked last, not being able to read and write, all these things I was using to drive myself to be better, to show people how valuable I was.

>> And he stops, claps, and throws!

>> And I would do things to win at all costs.

>> Part of the definition of being great is understanding who you are and not changing you in order to belong to other people.

>> I've been able to shift that need to be number one to really opening up his heart and accessing what people love about him, which is his love and his authenticity, his vulnerabilities, a big child, and that will do more for success.

He's been able to bring out his authentic self, bring out his loving self, his joyful self that, at some point, he put away because it didn't fit into the mold of athlete.

Part of the myth of masculinity is not to show how you feel.

People die and you stuff it.

People break up and you stuff it.

You lose a job, and you stuff it.

But that stuffing it gets manifested, like you just said.

>> Yeah.

>> And what happens is that we create conflict because when you're not authentic and you're not in integrity with who you authentically are, you don't -- you can't create relationship.

And we all know, based on the work we've done and the studies we've done, that the key to success is relationships.

>> When I think about achieving one's best self, I always think of it as a two-way street.

It's your relationship to yourself, but it is equally your relationship to others.

>> If I don't allow myself to be open and humble and vulnerable, then there is no greatness.

>> I think I had just kind of lost track of that where I felt like I wasn't able to share how I was feeling.

And when we aren't able to share, that's when we feel the most alone.

>> I always believe that the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives more than anything.

>> Everything that we create and experience in this life has meaning because of the people around us.

>> We are born with an inner need to want to be connected to people.

We are born wanting to belong.

>> Rarely, at a funeral, do we have people talk about how they worked 80 hours a week.

It is usually because they have left an impact, a legacy, a love on others.

>> One of the things I ask in my workshops is, "What does love, vulnerability, and childlike quality have to do with success?"

and the answer everyone knows that I'm gonna say is, "Everything."

>> And so, about the three-day mark of a five-day workshop, he goes, "Okay.

If there's anything you haven't talked about that is still holding you back, now's the time to open up or forever hold your peace, 'cause we're moving into the future."

And so I'm sitting there, thinking to myself, "I talked about my parents going through their divorce and stressing out and fighting all the time.

I talked about not having any friends.

I talked about all these things."

And then, that one thing flashed through my mind, and I remember thinking, "Why have I never shared this with anyone in my life, and why has it always come up in my mind?"

So I don't know what it was, if it was just Chris really standing for me and believing in me, if it was just the context where I felt like everyone else was already opening up about things they've been through, but I said, "If I don't share this now, I'll probably never talk about it."

So, I stood up.

I looked down at the carpet and just started by saying at 5 years old -- I had a babysitter.

And every day after school, I would go to this babysitter's, and one day, her son was there, teenage son, and he took me in the bathroom.

I was sexually abused.

I walked through the entire story for the first time in 25 years.

And, again, I couldn't look up and look anyone in the eyes, 'cause I was so embarrassed and ashamed and insecure about what they would think about me.

And when I was done, it was like I just erupted with tears.

I couldn't hold back the feeling anymore.

I just started crying and bawling.

I couldn't stop the emotion.

I was just bawling so much and crying so much that I ended up running out of the room.

♪ And there was a wall in a back alley, where I just put my head up against the wall and just kept crying.

I couldn't stop the emotion, the expression.

I was just, like, so afraid, and I was embarrassed.

I didn't want people to see me cry.

As I'm sitting there bawling, crying, one by one, the men from the room came outside and started talking to me.

"When I was 10, this is what happened to me."

"When I was 13, this is what happened to me."

One by one, the men just came up to me, looked me in the eyes, and said, "Thank you."

And I was just, like, so blown away by the love, the support, the non-judgement, and it was like we had this bond.

And it was so healing for me.

It was so therapeutic, it was so healing to finally express the things that I was so ashamed of and afraid of for so long.

>> Sexual trauma is a violation of somebody's boundaries often by somebody that they trusted.

It's rarely the strangers.

It's much more often people that they actually had a relationship with, and so you need to learn to heal from that.

You heal trauma not just by not experiencing pain.

You heal pain by rediscovering pleasure, connection, and joy.

To live again is the greatest victory over any experience of trauma.

And then, you have really won over those who want to make you live a slow death.

>> So, I remember talking to a therapist friend of mine and saying, "I just shared this with this group of people in this workshop, and none of my friends or family know, and I'm terrified of sharing it with them.

You have any advice on how I could set up a conversation?"

And she said, "Ask them this question.

Is there anything I could do or say ever in my life that would make you not love me?"

So, I called them all, and all of them, right away, said, "Absolutely not."

But hearing them say that gave me such a sense of relief, that it doesn't matter what I've been through, that they will still love me, and I think I was afraid of not having that acceptance and that love from my family, my friends.

>> I mean, that hit me like... Wow.

I just -- I wasn't ready for that.

It wasn't something I was expecting.

>> I never told my dad because he wouldn't be able to emotionally connect on that, really, and understand it.

But I told my mom.

Lewis called me and told me very briefly that he had been sexually abused by this babysitter's son.

I was in shock.

And then I was grieving for several days.

It's a very vulnerable moment to do that.

And with a child, I felt somehow responsible.

>> When I told my family, they were just so supportive and so loving, and they started opening up and sharing things that I had no clue they had been through.

>> It took, I'm sure, a lot of courage, and I know it's a freeing experience for Lewis to have come to that point.

>> And that's when everything started to shift.

I no longer have this constant weight on my shoulders.

I no longer feel like my heart is being constrained or being -- like, it's in a prison, and I feel like I'm able to flow through life with much more ease.

>> When you don't forgive, basically, what you're doing is, you're keeping alive the hurt.

So, if I was sexually abused and I don't forgive the abuser, which is the work you and I did together, then they keep abusing me.

And so when I forgive the abuser, I'm not making it okay that he abused me, or she abused me.

When I forgive the abuser, I'm basically making a conscious decision to take my power back from them and to use my power for something positive.

>> When I finally decided to forgive the man that raped me, when I finally decided to forgive the kids that picked on me, when I finally decided to forgive the most important person, which was myself, that's when I was able to let it go and say, "What is my vision moving forward?"

My vision is not to make people wrong or to prove that I'm better than what they think about me.

My vision is to lift others up.

And that's why I wrote "The Mask of Masculinity."

>> Lewis, it's great to have you in the studio.

>> My man, so good to be here.

>> Thanks for being here.

>> Thank you for having me.

>> It's incredible, and today, we're talking about his new book, "The Mask of Masculinity."

You can see it right there.

>> The person who tells the story experiences a new meaning of the story, because now if it can help someone else, then it wasn't in vain.

>> We start to defend ourselves by wearing a mask so we can fit in and feel protected.

But, really, what we're doing is holding back who we are.

Not many tall, white, male, jock guys are talking about being sexually abused openly or talking about these challenges.

And so I just wanted to be one catalyst, one example of inspiration where guys like me could relate and, hopefully, learn from my story.

>> Cyrus says, "I'm raising my son differently than my ancestors did.

Lewis, thank you.

This is spot-on.

I feel like you're speaking my heart."

>> In the midst of a world that is so challenged and at times, with so many people being into their own agenda, Lewis Howes is into other people's agenda.

The caring, the compassion, the concern, and also, being more than okay if somebody else is great.

See, there's room for the whole room to be great.

This is a society, man.

Over 7 billion people.

And all of us can be great in our own individual position.

♪ >> Dad?

>> Morning.

>> Good morning.

How are you?

So, you remember Matt?

>> I do.

>> Yeah, yeah.

>> I remember sitting in the stands watching you play.

>> Yeah, yeah.

>> Those were the good old days.

Let me tell you, glory days.

>> You took these photos.

>> Look at that.

Right on the field there.

You know?

That was you -- photographer back then, right?

>> [ Chuckles ] >> You took a ton of photos.

>> I did.

>> Yeah.

>> Let's do the cornhole.

>> Alright.

>> Let's do cornhole.

>> I remember when you were born.

I was able to pull you out with my left hand.

>> You do?

>> I do.

You were so frickin' small.

>> How small was I?

Do you know?

>> Well, you fit in my left palm.

>> [ Chuckles ] >> You was teeny.

>> I've got my book for you, too.

I want to show you.

>> Your new book?

>> Yeah, you want to see it?

>> Sure.

>> Yeah.

Let's see it.

Let's put this down here.

Good game.

Good game.

>> Thank you very much.

>> [ Laughs ] Let's see it.

So, it's called "The Mask of Masculinity," and it's all about how to be a better man.

>> "A man can embrace vulnerability, create strong relationships, and live their fullest lives."

>> That's it.

When I see my dad now and I tell him what I'm up to, he really doesn't care that much.

Are you gonna come to the Summit of Greatness.

>> Probably not.

>> Probably not.

I think Rhonda said she was gonna make you come for at least an hour.

>> Unfortunately.

>> [ Laughs ] You don't want to come?

>> Not really.

>> Why not?

>> Because I don't need to learn anything more, really.

>> What would his father think of him today?

>> Oh.

[ Chuckles ] [ Voice breaking ] Well...

I'm sure if his father had the awareness, he would be very proud.

>> You tired already?

>> I'm always tired.

>> [ Chuckles ] I understand that if he was who he was before, he would be so excited.

So, the dad I know would be jumping for joy, would be at everything, would be devouring every book, every interview, all the things I'm doing would be super excited, and I know that that's him, and I just focus on all the good that he did for those years when he was at everything.

Love you.

Enjoy.

>> Feels weird to be smaller than him.

♪ ♪ >> We have to understand this is life.

Life is happy.

Life is challenging.

Life is mourning.

Life is death.

It's all part of it.

Loss is loss.

So, in your loss, think of the legacy.

♪ ♪ >> Greatness on three.

>> Greatness on three.

>> Go for it.

>> One, two, three!

>> Greatness!

>> To know that a thousand people are gonna be flying in from around the world and be sitting here is really special.

We've been planning this moment for the entire year.

[ All cheering ] >> Welcome back!

Yeah, baby!

[ Cheering continues ] ♪ >> You know, it's crazy to think that a little idea to launch a podcast and write a book could create such an incredible community.

♪ Every single one of us has the power to create the life that you want.

>> The power is in you.

It's always in you.

>> Like, what do you do with a dream?

You either follow it or you let it die.

And my greatest hope is that you'll be able to follow that dream.

>> So after law school, I was really lost, and Lewis was just life changing.

>> Coming here, the experience has been transformational.

>> School of Greatness was actually the starting point for where my life has become.

>> I want to talk about something for a moment that I've been working on for the last couple years that's been a little scary for me, and it's been my book that comes out in about a month and a half.

I've been talking about this in my podcast.

It's called "The Mask of Masculinity."

I'm gonna give 'em to each person who decided to show up here today.

Yeah.

[ Cheers and applause ] ♪ You know, this didn't happen for me overnight.

It took 10 years, and I feel like I'm just getting started.

Like, I feel like it's just starting.

>> My definition of greatness is living as a hero.

>> To show up with your honest full open self and then be fearless.

>> Be the best person I can be.

>> Finding the courage to follow your dreams.

>> Whatever you decide to do in your life, do it with all of your heart.

>> Showing up fully present with an open heart and treating everyone equally.

>> Living to your fullest potential.

♪ >> You got two books that are out, crushing, over 45 million downloads.

Summit is just growing every year.

What else is next for Lewis Howes?

>> You know, when we think of perfection, we think of a finish line, and I think there's something beyond that, and I think it's always about evolving and learning, growing.

>> I think greatness, number one, is innate, that I think that all of us -- there's something that wants us to go beyond.

>> Greatness to me is not ever really achieving your potential because there's always something more to be done, but continuously working toward that.

>> What I really see for the future is... taking this message of living our best life, of achieving greatness in our lives, and reaching the masses with this message, because I believe that greatness is within all of us, and sometimes, we just get knocked off track and forget who we really are.

I believe without a dream... it's a scary world.

It's already challenging enough with dreams.

But without a dream, life becomes uncertain and scarier.

So first thing is first.

You matter and understand that you're here for a reason.

You may not understand why.

You may not understand the purpose yet.

But you have to believe and understand that you do matter and that you're here for a reason.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> The final question is, what's your definition of greatness?

>> I think the definition of greatness is to inspire the people next to you.

It's how can you inspire a person to then, in turn, inspire another person that then inspires another person, and that's how you create something that I think lasts forever.

>> Yeah.

>> And I think that's our challenge as people, is to figure out how our story can impact others and motivate them in a way to create their own greatness.

>> If you'd like to continue on the journey of greatness with me, please check out my website lewishowes.com, where you'll find over 1,000 episodes of "The School of Greatness" show as well as tools and resources to support you in living your best life.

>> The online course "Find Your Greatness" is available for $19.

Drawn from the lessons Lewis Howes shares in "Chasing Greatness," this interactive course will guide you through a step-by-step process to discover your strengths, connect to your passion and purpose, and help create your own blueprint for greatness.

To order, go to lewishowes.com/tv.

♪